Nothing to Lose But My Life Read online

  I was starting for her, to comfort her, when I realized that we weren’t alone. Not half a dozen feet from us, coming across the sand, was Sofia Conklin. And Tanya hadn’t been whispering either.

  I said, “Don’t be so upset. I’ll get you another one.”

  Tanya opened her mouth, saw my expression, and looked beyond me. She closed her mouth and sniffed. “Sofia!”

  Sofia smiled. It was the right smile to use to welcome a guest, even one uninvited. She wore the bathing suit style that was being shown in the better stores. It had very little to it and there was just the right amount of Sofia filling it out in just the right places. Only it didn’t come off. It was too perfect.

  “You are early birds,” she said cheerfully. “I thought I was the only one who liked to be up at this hour.”

  I said, “I’m afraid it wasn’t Mrs. Mace’s idea. I presumed on short acquaintance and woke her up this morning. She suggested this—to sober me up.”

  Tanya laughed a little too heartily. “He was really only a little squiffed, Sofia.” She smiled at me as if forgiving me. “And not at all obnoxious. Now that I’ve done this to him, I think I should feed him.”

  “She’s a real Texan for hospitality,” I said.

  It was hard to tell whether Sofia was buying it. Her expression was too mechanical, too geared to correctness for anything out of the ordinary to show through. I had a sudden and unholy desire to ruffle her composure just to see if there were any traces of a genuine person left.

  She said, “You could come to the house for breakfast …”

  “We wouldn’t think of it,” Tanya said. “Especially since Mr. Curtis showed up with a lot of ham.”

  I winced. Sofia smiled again. “Did I hear you say you’d lost—something?”

  I was ready for that. “A toy dog I won somewhere last night, Mrs. Conklin. I don’t remember where except I won the ham at the same time. The dog worked by jet propulsion. We thought we could make him skim the water. Mrs. Mace thinks she dropped him. It was my fault, really.”

  “Oh, I see.” She glanced at Tanya and then at me. It was obvious what was bothering her. And because I was curious to know just how deep a secret Enid’s condition was supposed to be, I didn’t try to send Tanya away.

  Finally, Sofia said, “About that telephone call—”

  I looked embarrassed for her. “She woke up shortly afterward and she was all right,” I lied. “I gave her a sedative and left. Maybe I shouldn’t have, only she was all right and—”

  “Please don’t apologize, Mr. Lowry. And I’m sorry that I made you angry.”

  “My fault, ma’am. I was a little upset.”

  “I can understand that. I agree that it called for a drink.”

  “Quite a number of them,” I said ruefully.

  She traced a line in the sand with one toe. It was the first natural gesture I had seen her make. “Is she—I mean, will it be embarrassing to get her away from where she is?”

  That one stumped me until I realized that she must think Enid was in my motel room, that we had started out to spend the night together. Before I could answer, Tanya stepped in. “Not at all, Sofia. Enid’s at my place.”

  She lied even better than I did. “You see, Mr. Curtis brought her to me after it happened. Only I was out. She was there under the sedative when I came home. It was rather late.” She smiled. “I had an urge to gamble last night. Don’t tell the Colonel, please.”

  “Of course not, dear.”

  “I think that’s why he really came back. Mr. Curtis, I mean. To see about Enid. You won’t tell the Colonel about that—and this either, will you?”

  “I’d be very ungrateful if I did,” Sofia said. “Thank you both for helping Enid.”

  Murmuring a few more pleasantries, I suggested that Tanya cook the ham I’d “won” and we started toward the trees. When we were nearly there, I stopped and turned.

  “What are we waiting for?” Tanya asked.

  “To see if she can swim naturally or if she does it as mechanically as she does everything else.”

  “I don’t know about the everything else,” Tanya said, “but I doubt if she swims. Sofia hates the ocean. She won’t even go out on the cruiser.”

  I said, “But she came down dressed for her morning dip.”

  “Yes,” Tanya said soberly, “I’ve been thinking of that.”

  I was too. I stood my ground. Sofia looked back and waved. We waved. We didn’t move. Finally she put a tentative toe in the water and walked forward. We stayed until she had gone in almost to her neck. I enjoyed being mean about it.

  Chapter IX

  BY THE TIME we got back into town, the sun had burned away the mist and people were appearing on the streets. Tanya crouched down in the car, out of sight of anyone who might glance our way. For Sofia Conklin to know about our being together at that hour of the morning was one thing, for the town to know was another.

  I dropped her off at her place and returned to the motel. There I assured the clerk that I was still interested in the room, and that I wanted to use the car for a few more days. Then I went to my bungalow and changed into a gray flannel slacks suit. My toilet articles were at Tanya’s, so I would have to wait until I got back there to shave. My tuxedo was at her place too. If this sort of thing kept up, I thought, I might as well move in.

  I returned to the Slope to find breakfast almost ready. I took a moment and went downstairs to check on Enid. She was still asleep. I changed the note I had left her, letting her know where I was, and returned to the upper floor.

  Tanya set a wonderful table, ham and eggs, a mound of toast, quantities of coffee, and orange juice, without which no Californian could start his day. We ate heavily and almost in silence. The last of the coffee we took into the living room.

  The warm sun splashed in. It was very pleasant. “Now,” I said, lighting cigarettes for both of us.

  Tanya had the divan. I took a chair. I wanted to listen without interference, and looking at her as she was dressed now in smooth lounging pajamas was enough. Having to sit by her would have been too much.

  “Now what, Lowry?” Tanya asked.

  “Now I want some answers,” I said. “We’re both in this up to our necks. I did what you asked—trusted you. I haven’t got time enough to keep on trusting you. I need information.”

  “Go ahead,” Tanya said in a resigned voice. “Ask questions.”

  “Why did Conklin want you to marry Hoop right away?”

  “A matter of business,” she said vaguely. “They’re partners, you know.”

  That was no answer at all. I could see that any co-operation I got would be purely accidental. I tried again. “What did you do after you left Hoop’s?”

  “I told you that before. And it’s the truth. I stopped for a drink and a sandwich. Then I came home. I found the Colonel on my garage floor and I dragged him to Enid’s place. I’m sorry about that. I thought it was smart at the time.”

  “What did you do after you left Sofia’s last night?”

  She said sweetly, “I stopped at that steak house where you saw me parked.”

  “You’re observant, aren’t you,” I said.

  “I had to make sure you weren’t following me. I wanted a clear track so I could go back to the Colonel’s and get out what I’d put in the safe.”

  “If you wanted it out, why put it there in the first place?”

  “I put it there before I knew he was dead,” she said as if that was an explanation.

  Considering the dynamite that was in the little envelope, I couldn’t see why she would have done anything but burn it. But all I said was, “Go on.”

  “I went back and Dobbs told me that the Colonel was in Los Angeles on business—agreeing with Charles’ story. I have the run of the house so I went into the library and opened the safe.”

  She was looking steadily at me. I looked back, not saying anything, waiting. She said, “The envelope was gone. So was fifty thousand of the Colonel’s mon
ey.”

  She was thinking of the receipt I had signed that she had found in the Colonel’s pocket. I said, “I wonder who else besides yourself and Hoop has the combination to that safe?”

  “You left the receipt there, didn’t you, Lowry?”

  I saw no point in denying it. “Yes. It was my money.”

  “It was still a foolish thing to do,” Tanya said.

  “That was before I knew he was dead,” I said, mimicking her.

  “And the envelope, Lowry.”

  “It’s with the money,” I said.

  “I want it, please.”

  “Sure,” I agreed. “Any time—any time you answer my questions. That’s a fair exchange, isn’t it? I’ll give you the envelope and mail the money to his estate.”

  She got up and came to me. Taking the coffee cup out of my hand, she drew me to my feet. “Lowry, don’t be a fool. It’s your money. It won’t pay for your wife’s death, but then no amount of money could do that. But he owed it to you.”

  “Sure,” I said, “but this is no time to collect it. I’ll wait and let the court handle it.”

  “Were you planning to go to court, Lowry? After you’d killed and made the Colonel crawl and beg for mercy, were you going to wait around and take your case to court?”

  There was no sarcasm in her voice; there was no scorn either. I looked into her green eyes and thought that I saw something there I wanted to see. But only for a moment. Then she veiled them against me.

  “No,” I admitted. “I wasn’t going to court. I was going to go back to Mexico. I have a place there.”

  “Then why change your plan?”

  “Including Nikke?”

  “No, except for Nikke. It’s too late to make the Colonel crawl now, but you have the money. Why not take it and go to Mexico.”

  So that was it. I stepped back from her. I felt a little ill, wondering if last night—at Enid’s—had been a step toward this, toward trying to get me to go as Nikke had tried to get me to go. I didn’t want to believe that. Remembering it, I found it hard to believe. And yet what she had just said was plain enough.

  “You’re clever, Tanya, but not clever enough. Sorry, sweetheart, but I’m not leaving until I finish the job I came to do.”

  I started for the guest room. “Lowry!” I ignored her and went on in, gathered my stuff together, and then headed out.

  “Thanks for the breakfast.”

  “Lowry!” There was so much that was unlike Tanya in her voice that I turned. “You can’t win, Lowry,” she said pleadingly. “Believe me, you can’t win. You’ll end up like—like the Colonel.”

  I had the rear door open. “You should see that I don’t,” I told her. “Remember that I have your envelope now, Tanya. Maybe I’ll swap you one of these days—when I’m ready to go back to Mexico, I’ll give you the envelope for a goodbye kiss.”

  It was cruel but I was feeling mean. I didn’t like being taken for a patsy, especially by Tanya. I slammed the door and started down the service stairs toward Enid’s place. I could hear Tanya running toward the door. She cried something at me. It sounded like, “Lowry, go to Mexico now—and take me with you.”

  I wasn’t sure of what she said because I was hurrying. I didn’t want to hear anyway.

  I went into Enid’s living room yawning so hard I nearly dislocated my lower jaw. I swallowed the yawn in a hurry when I saw her. She was on the divan, curled with her legs tucked under her. She wore a loose robe and her hair was still down. She was just sitting there in the dimness.

  “I read your note but I knew you’d be back,” she said. Her voice was completely normal, wide awake. “Is Tanya nice, Lowry?”

  “Very,” I said. “She likes you a lot, Enid.”

  She wasn’t interested in that. “Is she as nice as I am—all over?”

  I said quickly, “I went to see her on business.”

  “Don’t be cross. Haven’t you had any sleep, Lowry?”

  “No.”

  “You were—watching me?”

  I said, “Yes.”

  She patted the divan. “Come here. No, don’t.” She got up and walked toward me, her hands out. “Come with me.”

  I balked and she said, “To sleep, silly. Use my bed. It’s better than the couch. And you can’t sleep in the other one.”

  No, not after Hoop had used it. I let her lead me to the bed. I sat down heavily. I said, “Hoop is all taken care of.”

  “You told me before,” she said. She was evidently over any chance of shock.

  I dropped my shoes and began unbuttoning my shirt. She showed no inclination to leave so I worked my way down to my shorts and rolled under the covers. The pillow smelled of Enid’s hair scent. I wouldn’t have cared if it had been skunk. It was a pillow, and that was all that mattered.

  “Lowry, who did it?”

  “I don’t know, but I think I can find out.”

  She sat on the edge of the bed and stroked my forehead. I closed my eyes. She crooned over me as though I were a doll she had put to bed.

  “Lowry, I know where I can get money, a lot of money. And we can go away.” Worry crept in to her crooning. “I worry for you, Lowry. You aren’t safe.”

  My God, I thought. Enid too. Had Nikke put her up to this like he had Tanya? I didn’t answer.

  “There’ll be money enough for us both, Lowry, and …”

  I didn’t argue with her. I couldn’t. I went right to sleep in the middle of what she was saying.

  And I dreamed. Twice I awoke, sweating. Finally I seemed to have got it out of my system and I slept a restful sleep. But I remembered the dreams and when I awoke I knew what I had to do. All I needed now was a way to do it.

  • • •

  It was late. I had slept through the day. I was hungry and I felt dirty from having sweated so much, but I was refreshed from my long sleep. A shower, a quick shave, and I was ready.

  I called out, “Enid!” and my voice echoed hollowly through the flat. I dressed hurriedly and went to look for her. Somehow, it hadn’t occured to me that she would be gone.

  I found the note after I returned to the bedroom. The note was propped on the bedstand as mine to her had been: Had to go out. Listen to the radio before you leave. Do be careful.

  It was scrawled hurriedly and a little too cryptic for me. I went into the living room and snapped on the radio. I was heading for the kitchen to make myself something to eat when the telephone rang. I hesitated.

  As far as I knew, only three people were aware that this was Enid’s place. So the call was either from her or to her. If it was to her, then it could only be from Conklin, Tanya, or Nikke. Of those three, only Conklin presumably did not know that I had been here, might still be here. I decided to take the chance.

  I lifted the receiver and coughed lightly. A masculine voice said, “Hello? Lowry?”

  It was Nikke. I said, “Lowry here.”

  “You fool,” he said. He sounded almost savage. “You’re in a bad jam. Look, if I get your money for you, will you get out of town?”

  “What money, Nikke?”

  “The money you got from the Colonel,” he said.

  So Tanya had run straight to Nikke! I said, “I can get that for myself, Nikke. I don’t need any help.”

  “You can’t go to the motel,” Nikke said. “The place is crawling with cops.” There was no satisfaction in his voice, only worry.

  My mouth was dry. My throat hurt. Nikke didn’t sound as if he were stringing me. “Cops—looking for me?”

  “Looking for you, Lowry. They found Hoop.”

  I was silent, putting this together. Obviously Tanya had been to see Nikke. Maybe she was with him now. And just as obviously, she had told him everything. It gave her one more black mark in my book. As I saw it, she was using Nikke to put the squeeze on me so I would go to Mexico. And she had a really brilliant idea. Nikke would get my money for me, and at the same time, he would get her envelope for her. It was very neat.

  I said, “G
o to hell.”

  Nikke swore. I had seldom ever heard him swear. I had seldom ever heard his voice as rough as it was now. He swore at me in English and French and in a couple of obscure Balkan languages that I had never heard. I didn’t need to know the words; the meaning came through easily enough.

  When he was through, I said, “Is Tanya there, Nikke?”

  “Tanya’s all right, Lowry.”

  “If the cops get me, it might cause trouble for her,” I said.

  “You wouldn’t bring her into it, Lowry. You aren’t built that way.”

  I had to admit that. I said, “No, but someone else might. How did the cops find Hoop anyway?”

  “They dragged the harbor for him—on an anonymous tip.”

  “Sure,” I said. “And who gave the tip? The only person that saw Tanya and me at the water was Sofia Conklin. I wouldn’t need to drag Tanya into it, Nikke. If Sofia tipped the cops on one thing, she would on another.”

  I was thinking, damn Sofia Conklin. She had better eyes than I had given her credit for. And she had too good a poker face. But damning her didn’t help. She had put the needle into me—probably out of a sense of “civic duty.” She was the kind of person who would have a strongly developed sense of civic duty.

  Nikke was quiet for some time. Then he said, “That means you’ll have to take Tanya with you, Lowry.”

  “You go to hell!” I said for the second time. But I was thinking about a man with the guts to let the woman he loved go with another man just to protect her from possible harm. And I could tell by the way Nikke said, “… you’ll have to take Tanya …” that he had a lot of feeling for her buried under his urbane shell.

  “Gladly,” Nikke said. “I’ll go anywhere you say—if you’ll only be smart and get out of here.”

  I wasn’t buying that, not yet. I said, “What made the cops start looking for me when they found Hoop—the same tip?”

  “They added two and two,” Nikke said dryly. “More than one person has recognized you. I suppose they got a hint from someone. Anyway, they went to Hoop’s and found your footprints under the library window—a pair of shoes in your bungalow match them perfectly. They got Dobbs, Hoop’s butler, to describe you. They came up with Malcolm Lowry. That’s all I could find out so far.”